The Hill!!!

OK, I am going to apologize for this long post, because I already know it is going to be very long. Where do I start, I guess with the honest and humbling truth. When I left for Africa I was excited thinking that I would never want to leave. I was excited and ready to see a new world, people, and culture. Well, when I got here I found myself only wanting to go home. Which is really weird for me because I would never had thought I would feel this way in a million years. I was frustrated that I was unable to connect with the people, I missed my friends, family, church, and school. But at the same time I was frustrated with myself. Rather than being in Africa and enjoying each and every moment, I was counting down the moments. What was wrong with me I thought? I was not talking with the other American students, I felt alone, frustrated, and defeated. But the sad thing was it was all me. I was allowing myself to feel sad and alone. Rather than being open and truthful. I chose to put on the image that everything was fine. I pretend that these problems would go away. I was trying to be tough. However, it did not work. I could no longer hold myself up anymore. I was coming to a crashing end. Yesterday, it rained here. Actually it poured, in more ways than one. God showed me through the rain and the mud, which is extremely difficult to get out of by the way, that I need to let go. I had been focusing on the problem and let it rule me. As the ran came down so did my pride, my strength, and my stronghold to controlling everything. I had been comparing myself to everyone around me, how they were communicating and getting to know the Ugandans. I could not measure up to their abilities. But a friend emailed me and opened my eyes to some things about myself. He reminded me that my beauty is shown when God shows through me. If I want the Ugandans to see God's beauty I need Him to make me radiant. God brought me to Uganda with a purpose and reason. While the first couple of weeks did not turn out the way I thought they would be, I am learning. Today was just day of learning for me. Lately I have been running with the Ugandan track team, let me just tell you for future reference they run FAST!!! Yeah I know that is like the most obvious thing in the world. But I am blonde and sometimes I do not think. Anyways, Safari, my running partner, and I were running this morning. We came to a hill as I looked up I felt my stomach turn with hate. How in the world was I am able to run up this hill, I was already tired. Well as we began our assent, Safari looked over and probably saw my face of dread. He said the most heart changing words. He told me to take it slow and steady. He reminded me that if I try to do it really fast I would get burned out once I got to the top and would not be able to enjoy it once I got there. So even though it was harder to take it slow sometimes, I did I slowed my pace down and focused on each step. I made it and Safari was right; rather than being out of breath I was able to look back and think I did it. I made it. Well this started me thinking about my life here and God's presence within all this. I can try to run the hill He gives me as fast as I can, but then I would never make it. I could just stop and give up, or I could take it slow. As I run the hill God is the one who is going to give me the strength to continue. He is going to remind me that my strength means nothing. It is His power and strength that He provides that keeps me going. Without either of them, I would just fall. It is humbling and a challenge for me to accept this truth. But as I think about the joy and strength I felt when I finished that hill, it makes me think of the joy and happiness I will feel knowing that God realized my inabilities and despite these faults He helped me accomplish something for His good. Slow and Steady!!! To simple words but they mean so much more. My day here in Uganda has been fantastic, I do not feel tired or defeated. Rather I feel energized and hopeful to see what more God is going to show me about the people and country here. I want to keep moving in His direction and I can't wait to look back in 3 months and see the hill He helped me climb. It is His hill that HE put in front of me, I can chose to take it or walk away. I chose to take it with God at my side to encourage and keep me going. He is going to be my feet when they can not move. He is going to be my legs when they are to stiff to move, and He is going to be the core the continues to flow through me. Wow I am excited and can not wait to be at the top of the hill I am running.